September 14, 2026
Hi Reader,
Let's talk about The Myth of Moderation? What is it?
The myth of moderation is the belief:
“If I could just learn to control my drinking, then I wouldn’t have to give it up.”
This belief and thought process keep me stuck for almost a decade. And I know it has kept others stuck too. Because we focused on trying to become better at drinking alcohol or controlling how much we drink instead of asking whether alcohol is actually adding anything good to our lives.
For many people, like me, moderation is the following and it's exhausting:
- How many drinks can I have?
- What nights am I allowed to drink?
- Did I drink too much last night?
- Why did I break my rule again?
- Maybe only on weekends.
- Maybe only wine.
- Maybe only when we go out.
- Maybe I’ll take another 30-day break and then try again.
And every new rule quietly keeps alcohol important. And when we break our rules it leaves us feeling like we are failing ourselves.
That’s the trap.
What I Would Say to the Person Who Keeps Trying
As a coach, I wouldn’t tell you, “You obviously can’t moderate, so you need to quit.” Because, you probably are thinking this already! I know I did!
Because this kind of thinking is making letting go of alcohol or quitting alcohol about failure and willpower.
Maybe you need to step back and explore the following:
What if the problem isn’t that you haven’t figured out how to moderate alcohol? What if you have and this is actually what moderation is for you? And this is as good as it gets? What if all these mind games are actually what moderation is for you?
"What if moderation itself is keeping you stuck?"
You have spent so much time trying to answer:
“How can I keep alcohol in my life without letting it cause problems?”
I want you to consider a different question:
“Why am I working so hard to keep something in my life that I keep having to try to control?”
That’s a very different conversation.
Because freedom isn’t finally learning how to drink one or two glasses instead of four. Freedom is getting to the place where you’re no longer spending your mental energy negotiating with alcohol.
Moderation Can Become Fixation
This is where the idea of Liberation vs. Fixation comes in.
When someone is "moderating", alcohol can actually take up more mental space.
You wake up thinking about whether you drank too much. You promise yourself you won’t drink tonight. By afternoon you’re negotiating. At dinner you’re deciding whether you’ve “earned” one. After one, you’re deciding whether to have another. Or I'm going to have a drink with friends out for dinner. Or on vacation I'll drink only to return and want a drink to unwind. You're not in control the substance is controlling you.
That’s not freedom.
Even when you’re successfully moderating, you may still be fixated.
Alcohol freedom asks a different question:
How do I make alcohol smaller instead of becoming better at managing it?
That’s liberation.
What Is Alcohol Doing for You?
Are you repeatedly returning to alcohol after trying to keep your rules around alcohol? It's time to stop beating yourself up and get curious:
What is alcohol really doing for me?
Is it giving you relief?
Is it helping you transition from work to home?
Is it providing comfort?
Dopamine?
Connection?
Escape from boredom?
A way to numb resentment, loneliness, past or present hurts, grief, anxiety, or overwhelm?
Because if you simply remove alcohol without addressing the need underneath it, your brain is going to keep saying:
“But I still need something.” "I need relief."
That’s why alcohol freedom is about so much more than simply not drinking.
We have to learn how to regulate the nervous system, break the stress cycle, understand our triggers, care for our bodies, nourish ourselves, move, rest, connect, pray, and learn healthier ways of meeting the needs we were asking alcohol to meet.
This is where tools like the LIE Acronym, HALT, PEACE become so important. IF YOU have questions about any of these let me know and I'll share more with you.
Let's Look at Our Faith
There is another question I think we need to be willing to ask:
“Is moderation keeping me in negotiation with something God may be asking me to release?”
Sometimes we keep praying:
God, help me control this. Or God, take this away this desire.
When perhaps the invitation is:
God, help me surrender this.
There’s a huge difference.
Surrender doesn’t have to mean:
Saying, “I’m an alcoholic and therefore I’m never allowed to drink again.” Or "I can't drink anymore."
It can simply mean:
“Alcohol no longer deserves this much space in my life.”
And that changes the conversation from deprivation to freedom.
Not:
“I can’t drink.”
But:
“I don’t have to drink anymore.”
That is the heart of I Get To.
A Question for You to Sit With
If you’ve tried moderation over and over again, I want you to consider this:
How long do you want to keep working this hard to keep alcohol in your life?
There is no judgment in that question. Just curiosity.
What if you gave yourself permission to stop solving the moderation problem altogether?
You don’t have to decide today whether you’ll “never drink again.”
Let’s simply stop negotiating for a while.
Give your brain, body, nervous system, and spirit enough alcohol-free time to discover what life feels like when alcohol isn’t constantly part of the equation.
You aren’t simply giving something up.
You’re creating enough distance to discover whether you ever needed it in the first place.
Moderation Creates Mental Negotiation
Is your goal, “Can I learn to control this?”
Maybe the question you might want to ask is, “What could God do in my life if I finally surrendered and stopped fighting to hold onto it?
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10:15
Peace & Joy,
👉 Sign up here for a free discovery call where we can talk through where you are, what you’re struggling with, and whether the Choose Freedom™ Group Coaching or 1:1 coaching would support you in this season.
There’s no pressure—just a conversation.
For more tips and inspiration, follow me on Instagram @joyontheothersideofalcohol.
